From past few days, I had lost my mind completely and behaving like a insane. Yes I knew I was behaving weird indeed, but was not able to figure out the perfect frame of reference. I was behaving like a freak and was constantly looking for an answers to my questions, which was bothering me since months.
Yes, my thoughts and my mind never allowed me to have sound sleep from past few months. I was at times highly strung and these mood swings kept me awake all nights. My heart, mind & myself, all three of me was fighting among themselves and was trying to find an answer.
Suddenly one day, from nowhere, something strike my mind at 2:00 am. Let me write down all my feelings first and how everyone was thinking about it. I was on my bed, I did not had hard copy, but yes we all definitely use smart phones, so i started typing what I was feeling and going through and how my intentions were contradicting my actions. I had done this before many times but never figured out the correct way of executing it.
I wrote every shit I was thinking and tried to write in a mollified manner. After writing almost every part of mine, i sent that box of my feeling to two person, first to the person whom it was concerned with and second to my ex roomy. Yes, to my ex roomy because somewhere in my heart I knew she has solution for everything and possess a unique hindsight where one step into others shoes and see the whole frame from different point of view. Very few people actually have that sight of vision.
She made me understand that don’t be like a poker-face. First, accept all the feelings and facts which are there in your heart and mind. You need to bring them on a common platform. Now, you yourself need to neutralise all the things. You told me what you had been going through and how things are moving in a wrong direction just because you are not accepting the fact and trying to find a reason why it is not working the way you were desiring it to accomplish. I told her the whole story, she just told me one thing, Jesal you are right at your place completely, now step into other person’s mind. For time being, stop being you, and try to see things differently but in the same situation with the same parameter of your mind. While she was helping me to see the whole situation from different point of view, I understood at least one thing,
“ NOT ALL RIGHT THINGS FOR RIGHT REASONS ARE RIGHT. SOMETIMES, THEY ARE THE WORST POSSIBLE OPTIONS THAT COULD HAPPEN.”
I started realising how my stupid actions was hurting everyone around me!
But again this thought was coming in my mind, when I am right why my friend is not able to accept my things. She told me one thing, Jesal remember in our college, we were the girls who were so choosy, rigid, arrogant at times to others, not accepting others thoughts because it did not matched our mental status. So, when we cannot accept others thought process, how can you expect others to accept all your thoughts to be correct?
You are right, you want happiness for you and your friend but you did not need to proof what is right and wrong. Do not stress why it is not working and always looking for an answer. Every question of yours will be answered one day but till than you need to have patience. You need to trust your friend and yourself first rather than fighting. You need to believe in FATE!
“SOMETIMES THINGS HAVE TO GO WRONG IN ORDER TO GO RIGHT!”